*George Fox (1624-1691), Founder of the Quakers
SPIRITUAL TEACHING
When we begin to meditate, we might be surprised at the tenderness that has been concealed by busyness, clinging to belief, and trying to fix others. We can hide very well. Usually, we hide behind what we consider good things.
So, realization, or spiritual awakening, involves coming out of hiding. How do we hide? Maybe knowing that helps us know how to come out of hiding and feel the spaciousness, which is our natural habitat.
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What are some hiding places? Many persons and groups, and churches, hide behind a very busy schedule; after all, "I'm doing some wonderful things." We can hide behind belief. This is like creating a room with no windows. We feel safe, invulnerable, for everything is shut out. Here is no confusion though a denial and lack of integrity -, except confusion about what we already are clear about, but there is no confusion regarding basic assumptions. The tent might blow, but the stacks are deep in the ground of "I know." We are cozy. We congratulate ourselves on our right thinking and avoid the wrong thinkers. "No open window and no open door here. Sit down, join me, grab a drink and bite to eat. Hey! close that door behind you, quickly!" We might pity those poor, lost souls outside and do not understand why they do not want to join us in this dark room. Or, we can be very active fixing others: like trying to save the whole other world from some hell, or get them in the only truly orthodox church.
This do-goodism, even do-godism, is a busyness that might allow us to avoid feeling our own basic condition. We feel very good, "Ha! I am doing good for so many. May I help you, too? I've got some information that might help
"
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Meditation provides us connection to the basic spaciousness in which all things live. Realizing the spaciousness, we sense some avoidance of a quality in us soft, vulnerable, and alive with feeling. Some light comes into the closed room, maybe after we open the blinds a little over one window. The warmth feels good, we see better, we feel more vibrant and uplifted, but we also get a hint of some deep sadness. We cannot describe where the sad sensation comes from, but we feel it. However, also, we sense a new type of joy. This is a different joy, very subtle, but very real more real than anything we have known as happiness. This joy surprises us.
Pema Chōdrōn speaks of this tenderness as our "soft spot" (The Wisdom of No Escape). "Tender spot" is another descriptive way of speaking of this place in us. This is a gentle, non-aggressive, non-violent place in us.
Picture yourself with no sensation of feeling. You have a cut on your foot. You are running around and walking everywhere, blood gushing out, but have no receptivity to pain. Contrast this to having the capability of sensation. Then, that same cut would lead you to limp. You would try to reduce or eliminate any pressure on that foot, for it would be painful. You would proceed to cover the wound. You might have to quit using that foot for a time, for it to heal.
Likewise, in meditation we find that we are awakened to what I call our vulnerability. It is as though a vulnerability plant grows right out of muddy, dark water that has been concealing it. Our meditation is like casting some warm Sunshine on that place, and the plant extends upward toward the light. We do not pull the plant upward, for the plant does that naturally. With that, we are sensitized to that basic, innate place of sadness and vulnerability we share with all other humans. This is being awakened to our basic humanness. Then, we can feel both the joy and sadness that is part of being a creature with other creatures, and part of God.
This soft spot teaches us compassion. We will try to avoid that soft spot, maybe. We might want to push that vulnerability plant right back down, but it keeps popping up again toward the light. We might prefer feeling invulnerable, but we keep running right into the soft spot. We might feel like our heart is cut wide open and no matter how much we pray and meditate, nothing seems to heal over that sensitivity.
Then, we learn that the soft spot is that point at which we are very much like God. We do not have to run from that vulnerability, as though it is a liability.
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Sure, the sensitivity is sensitive, but we learn to discontinue seeing that as weakness. We learn not to treat that soft spot as warranting some drug to deaden it. Some days we might wish we could pour concrete over that place, so nothing could ever touch it again. Sometimes we might feel angry or very tired, because that place is feeling very exposed, maybe sometimes very hit upon. We feel tired of wincing. But each time we return to the goodness of our basic human condition.
Over time, we grow tired of trying to protect that place. We are weary of hiding. So, we decide to give that soft spot to Love. "Okay, God, here is that place of vulnerability. I give it to you. I am tired of running." This is somewhat like Jesus in the Garden, "Alright, Father, not my will. You have your way." Then, he quits crying and walks out ready for the mob. He comes out real strong, for he is relating to the soft spot with friendliness. He has nothing to defend, nothing to protect. He can appear weak, knowing that surrendering to the spaciousness of the situation is a sign of strength and courage. Judas, the garden, his disciples running away - all spaciousness. Jesus walks into it. He does not cry. The soldiers fall backward. Wow!
So, we befriend that place in us. We enter the spaciousness, deciding our lives, while safer feeling, were somewhat claustrophobic. We realize that it will not kill us to hang around in the spaciousness. We learn that if we can let it teach us, it will bring to us realization of a liberating truth: Loving more and more. That sensitive place is the place all other humans share with us. We learn to appreciate that place, for it is the place from which we cry sadness and laugh bliss. We befriend that place, and find out that it is liberating to come out of hiding. Soon, we are sitting in that spaciousness, and crying or laughing is equally alright and equally part of our being compassionate, grateful persons.
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So, realization is awakening to our basic, vulnerable, but fearless humanness. That soft spot, indeed all we are, we learn is basically good and whole. From this, we grow in compassion for ourselves and connect with others. We no longer feel a need to fix others, we just want to learn to listen and be with them. We no longer see others as invulnerable or free of our own soft place. We realize, regardless of how others appear, they have the same natural place for crying and laughing that we have in ourselves. The person homeless or the person with three homes and a condominium become the same to us. Letting ourselves let go of trying to appear that we have it all together is freeing and creates a new, healthier relationship with our own basic condition and the world, including other nonhuman creatures. We feel relieved to see ourselves walking around in the same spaciousness as every being.
© OneLife Ministries. Jan 14, 2010.
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*OneLife Ministries is a ministry of Brian Kenneth Wilcox, SW Florida. Brian lives a vowed life and with his two dogs, Bandit Ty and St. Francis. While within the Christian path, he is an ecumenical-interspiritual teacher, author, and chaplain. He is Senior Chaplain for the Charlotte County Jail, Punta Gorda, FL.
*Brian welcomes responses to his writings at briankwilcox@yahoo.com . Also, Brian is on Facebook: search Brian Kenneth Wilcox.
*You can order his book An Ache for Union from major booksellers.
